Steady as We Go

So I had a moment of exultation today while driving to work. I was listening to a song, obnoxiously loud per usual, and I started having scenes of a story come to my mind. As the images began to form and the back and forth character exchanges were occurring, I couldn't help but smile and audibly laugh.

It used to be so easy to think of these things, like my characters couldn't get enough of me and were constantly at work, making the story up as they went for me to watch. None of this comes easy any longer. I've come to terms with the realization that this is my own fault. I trained myself to not believe in myself, to believe that what I think may be talent, is actually nothing at all. I trained myself to halt all attempts at writing, even if it was just for the sake of doing so and not because I was trying to undertake some grand project. It's really a powerful thing, once you realize just how capable you are of changing your own mind.

I cannot begin to explain the type of intense fear I had when attempting to pursue a new project or picking up on an old one. I couldn't quite figure out what the fear even involved, what it was that I was actually afraid of. Certainly, failure is always a fear, but at the worst, I finish something and then have the satisfaction of saying I completed it. So what is the fear?

I still do not really know. But now, as I consider it, I must remind myself that it is not the fear that defines us, but what we do with that fear. This time, I have decided that I will push through it, tackle it head on and continue steadily on my way. Eventually, there will be a destination and eventually, there may even be a place to call the finish line. But until then, what's the point in stopping?

I remind myself that we are all strong, we are all unconquerable if we only allow ourselves to be. Faced with adversity, we can overcome so much more than we think is even feasible. I think back to all the times that seemed impossible to bear, all the times I felt like my suffering was more than I could contain and overcome. Yet here I am and now I vividly see my own strength when I am faced with tumultuous events. I am able to firmly overcome them, even when it comes to heartache and tears, I no longer feel fragile.

So, in other words, it is steady as we go. No matter what direction the path may take us, or how many times we feel like we are about to run ashore, we must continue forward. What sense is there in falling back, in shouldering the sails and packing up? We have so much to see, so much to do, so much to achieve! So steady as we go and keep your head high and eyes on the horizon, because the world has so much to offer, and it is just waiting to see what mark we are going to make.